Control is a weapon you use to win your war on reality. Like perfectionism and absolute autonomy, it exists only in fiction. You might find comfort in blaming others for your problems, as it gives you a warm, self-righteous feeling. Alternatively, you might martyr yourself, taking all the blame to manipulate others by ‘fixing’ yourself. But human beings are co-creators. Responsibility for outcomes is always shared.
Disaster planning is control posing as protection. In a frightened mind, planning equals control, which equals safety. The more you worry about potential scenarios, the safer you think you are. But if “x” happens, you fear the worst: death, financial ruin, or emotional shutdown. If “y” happens, you prepare to flee, fight, or manipulate. It’s like a video game with limitless levels to master.
A continuous rotation of fear-mongering thoughts creates a present-moment dread of your making. You live a life of self-reinforcing crisis. Instead of experiencing life’s natural ebbs and flows, you suffer constantly. By obsessively focusing on the past, you keep it alive and control disappointment by refusing to enjoy the present.
The problem with using control to rewrite history is that past losses have already happened. You’re banging your head against the stone containing their fossils. To prevent past pain from recurring, you create more of it in the present.
The path to transcending the past is to grieve your losses, not prevent them. To grieve is to show yourself love. Set down your outdated, broken survival tools, and walk away. Letting go of control means surrendering to your pain and realizing that trying to control anything is a futile effort to manage sadness and disappointment.
Life is not for planning; it is for living and loving. Life can’t be constrained or managed. Total security doesn’t exist, and there’s no real protection in your life. You are forever at its divine mercy. So, take risks. Be undefended.
Quote: “Man is unhappy because he doesn’t know he’s happy; only because of that. It’s everything, everything, whoever knows he is happy will be happy forever, and always.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Possessed
Song Accompaniment – Natalie Merchant, Life is Sweet
Artwork: The Art of Seth
2024 Accompaniments Playlist – Apple Music
2024 Accompaniments Playlist – Spotify
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