Perfectionism is an enemy, not a friend. A liar dwelling in your mind promising to replace your insecurity with control. It leads you to believe you can mitigate the risk of being alive by gaining approval. It causes depression, addiction, and isolating anxiety.
The higher the stress, the more control you exert over external perception. In pursuit of calm, you reach for hyper-perfection. You are a walking, talking advertisement for the identity you want people to believe is you. You blend into our culture’s sea of sameness at great expense to get the approval you need to survive.
You expect those close to you to be robotic in their perfection, deliverers of flawless love. When they can’t meet your excessively high standards, you get stuck in the role of the victim. Because perfection doesn’t exist, you can only ever fall short in pursuing it. There is never enough adoration, achievement, or success to change how you feel.
Attempting an impossible perfection makes you a pawn for anyone who profits from it. Marketers, romantic partners, and organizations love anyone willing to sacrifice themselves for approval. You are easy to manipulate. You never stop trying, and you never stop buying. You make the riskiest bets on products, people, and ideas.
Perfectionists conform to the point of cloning on social media. It’s a masquerade ball, but everyone is wearing the same mask. You think you’re winning if you can keep up. But, the only winners are investors and those who make the masks—the surgeons, filter creators, and luxury brand rental companies. Thriving in the fantasyland of modern media exacts a high cost of self-abandonment. It’s disillusioning to the point of suicide for some. Often, the very people who do it best.
Living is embarrassing. It’s a fact. But don’t fear the unavoidable. Fear living someone else’s idea of a super-perfect, failure-free life. Fear succeeding by the standards of a superficial society. Fear doing what everyone else expects you to do while your dreams die—fear imitating life rather than living it. If you refuse to make mistakes, you can’t learn. If you can’t learn, you won’t evolve.
Blatant defectiveness is the most efficient way to propel yourself forward. Set the real you free in the world. Ask yourself, “Why is my perfectionism so uncomfortable here?” Refine your inner circle until it serves the real you. Allow yourself to receive love. Familiarize yourself with disappointing others and ignoring their judgment.
A good life is a collection of big mistakes that turn into art over a long period of time. The art of relationships. The art of love. The art of writing, painting, and music. The art of building businesses, families, and selves. The art of living – dancing, cooking, celebrating. The art of compassion for yourself and others.
Make as many mistakes as you can. Make them as fast as you can. Tell everyone about them so they, too, can learn. Reject perfectionism. Fail your way to your most authentic self, to God.
Song Accompaniment: Tracy Chapman, At This Point In My Life
Artwork: The Art of Seth